little johny

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your
good manners?"

I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to
meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted.

husband and wife

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the


Wife looks over at him and asks the question....


WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"


HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"


WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"


HUSBAND: "Of course I do."


WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"


HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. "


WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)


HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)


WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"


HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."


WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"


HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"


WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"


HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."


WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"


HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."


WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"


HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."


WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"


HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "


WIFE: -- silence --


HUSBAND: "sh*t."